Scott and the Elixir of... Doom!
by Madame MoonbeamShinyStarDust
Summary: Scott's plans to get into Jean's... "company" lead to a little more love than he bargained for-- from everyone. Oooh, long summary, eh?
1. The Beginning!

Disclaimer: We no own characters. Marvel own characters. Marvel own all. Oooh. 

_A/N: Warning, this story has slight slashiness because EVERYONE wants Scott. Except for maybe Professor X, we're not sure yet... Anyway, no! Don't stop reading yet! If you want something stupid and pointless to read, this is for you! Yeah... so, read and enjoy and respond if you feel so inclined. Ooh, long sentence. Wow. Okay. Oh by the way, there are two people here and not one. So, just... yeah, don't think we're one person here with multiple personality syndrome_

The doorbell rang. Scott jumped up in anticipation and hurriedly ran to the door in a manner much akin to a kamikaze airplane. He ran into Kitty on his long trip down the stairs-- literally. 

She shrieked in surprise as Scott landed on top of her in a very suggestive manner. 

"Oops, sorry Kitty," he said in a distracted voice and continued his trek to the door. "Finally, finally, finally!" he said almost giddily. He giggled with confident expectation and opened the door to find a small package lying on the doorstep. He grabbed the package, much like anyone would grab a very small package with their name on it, and dashed to his room. 

"Hehehe, it's here! Now I can have Jean for my very own." Impatiently, he tore the wrapping open and revealed a small, blue-tinted bottle. With greedy eyes and an evil grin, he read the label on the bottle. 

"Madame Moonbeamshinystardust's Love Elixer. Spice up your love life with this mystical perfume found within the deep woods of the Orient. no mamals were harmed in the making of this... um... Elixer. Yeah.   
Use in small doses.   
Warning: In case of too much you must rub a-- [and it was here that the letters were rubbed off and thus, unlegible]" 

All of this fancy talk really impressed the lonely mutant known as Cyclops. Not wanting to waste another second, he opened the bottle and attempted to put a small amount onto himself. Unfortunately, things did not go as planned, for his hand slipped and his poured it all over himself. He said several words that would make a sailor blush and jumped quickly into the shower to rinse the rather potent (but very flowery with a slight touch of strawberries and kiwi) scent off. 

"Aww, man," Scott whined, taking off his shower goggles and replacing them with his regular sunglasses as he stepped out of the shower. "Jean's gonna think I've been making out with-- Kitty! What the hell?!" 

Scott quickly draped the shower curtain around himself so as to hide "Little Cyclops" from the supposedly innocent little freshman girl. 

"Like, wow, Scott, I never knew you were so..." Kitty paused, taking a few steps closer and purring seductively in his ear: "totally well endowed." 

"Eep. Um, Kitty, I--" 

"Shhh." She put a finger to his lips, and a hand somewhere else. "Don't speak. Like, take me now." 

"I-- uh-- I don't think this is a very-- Aaah! _Kitty!_ Um, I have to go!" And with that, Scott ran out of the bathroom and down the hall still clad in his makeshift shower curtain toga. 

"Like, damn," Kitty moaned. "Maybe I should, like, find Kurt while I'm in the mood to--" 

  
  
Scott ran. Well, first he threw on some clean clothes, and _then_ he ran out of the Institute. Who knew the perfume stuff really worked! Now, he had to find Jean. Scott giggled insanely and kept on walking. 

* * * * * 

"You were flirting!" 

"I was not! I was merely commenting on--" 

"'Oooh, what big muscles you have!'" Lance snapped. "I heard the whole thing!" 

"Well... you... stupid!" Pietro crossed his arms and glared at his boyfriend. "You're just jealous because you know you'll never have muscles like that!" 

"I can have anything I want!" Lance retorted. 

"Oh yeah, I bet you can't have... uh... _him!_" Pietro pointed at Scott, who happened to be walking by just at that particular second. 

"I can so! Just-- hey... something smells off." 

"Yeah, something smells kinda fruity..." 

"You sure it's not you?" 

"Oh, that's it, I'm leaving!" And with a flash of whatever colored clothes Pietro was wearing at the moment, he was gone. 

"Okay, Lance, this should be a piece of cake," Lance said to himself, and anyone who happened to be nearby, including Scott. 

"What?" the confused-- and suddenly very attractive-- mutant questioned. 

Lance approached Scott, looking very dazed and grinning rather scarily. 

"I said 'what'. What are you talking about?" Scott was feeling kind of peckish. "Cake?" 

Lance quickly and romantically grabbed some flowers (actually, they were those weeds that looked like flowers) from someone's front yard and shoved them in Scott's face. "You're looking very..." Lance looked for a word in his mental dictionary. "Rock-- erm, I mean... punctual. No, wait... damn. TALL today!" 

After sneezing from an allergic reaction to the weeds, Scott responded, "Uh... thanks. I guess. That's very... strange of you to say." 

"Why don't we go somewhere where we could be alone?" Lance suggested, winking lewdly at Scott. 

Scott suddenly felt very scared. "Why don't we not?" 

"Come on, baby, don't treat me so badly." Lance advanced stealthily-- or, he tried to be stealthy about it. He kind of stumbled a little, but all in all, it was a successful one step forward. There was a slight, romantic tremor in the ground, as Lance put on his most charming smile and kissed Scott smack on the lips, to which Scott responded with: 

"Mmmphmm!!" That roughly translated as: "Yuck!", to which Lance responded with: 

"Mmm." That roughly translated as "Mmm". 

Scott then responded with "Mmm." and then a mental _Noooo! Well, this is kinda... Nooo!!_ He roughly pushed Lance away and ran screaming down the street at a speed even Quicksilver would admire-- well, probably not. 

"I'll get you, my pretty. Lance Alvers is gonna rock your world." 

* * * * *

_A/N: Whether you like it or not, there WILL be another chapter. And another. And another until your head explodes into little teeny, nonviolent pieces. Mwahahahaaaaa!_


	2. The Sort of Middle!

Disclaimer: We don't own. Marvel own. Marvel god. Oooh. 

_A/N: Here this is. After much strenuous labor, here's chapter two. Take it or leave it. Woohoo._

**

_Chapter 2_

**

Scott turned the key in the ignition and his Corvette purred to life. This was the safest place to be at the moment. Here, no one could sneak up on him, and besides that, he had taken precautions. Kitty was nowhere to be found, and Lance was probably off sulking. Scott sighed and pulled out of the drive, making a left and heading for the open road. 

Changing gears and speeding up, he barreled through traffic and was thoroughly enjoying himself. He could think of nothing more thrilling than driving. He was having so much fun, in fact, that he didn't notice the blue mutant bamfing into the passenger seat beside him until it was too late. 

"Hello, Scott," Kurt said in a sexy voice, leaning in close and murmuring into Scott's ear. 

"Um... hi... Kurt." Scott replied, still staring desperately at the road as Kurt put his hand on his knee. 

_Well,_ Scott thought, _as long as that hand doesn't... Oh dear god._ Kurt's hand inched closer to... well..."Little Cyclops." 

"Oh, Scott, you big sexy stallion," Kurt moaned "Take me now!" 

"What, in the car?!" Scott asked rather stupidly. 

"Yes..." His hand inched closer. "Right now" 

Suddenly, a three-fingered hand grasped Little Cyclops, which resulted in many things, like Little Cyclops standing tall and proud, and Big Cyclops crashing his car into a tree. Sensing immediate danger, Kurt promptly bamfed out of the wrecked Corvette. 

* * * * * 

"But officer!" Scott practiced his speech as he waited for the police officer to approach his vehicle. 

Slowly and steadily, taking his time to perhaps torment young Scott Summers, the officer made his way to the damaged car and tree. 

"Well, what have we got here?" he asked in a low, somewhat hickish voice. "A wrecked tree? That's damaging public property." 

Scott mentally reviewed the laws of New York, and he didn't remember anything stating that hitting trees was illegal. "But, officer!" Scott protested in his well-rehearsed voice. 

"Don't worry," the cop said with a surreptitious grin and a wink. "Since you're such... an exceptional beauty, I'm prepared to forgive you... for a price." 

Scott gulped. He didn't like where this was heading. "Is ten bucks enough?" 

Silence-unnerving silence-followed. And then: "Sure." Scott reached for his wallet, but was stopped when the cop continued speaking in a deep, lusty voice, "But I'm only going to accept that for another price." 

_Aaaahhh!!_ Scott's mind shrieked. "I think I'll just take the ticket." 

"Okay." 

* * * * * 

Pietro was furious at Lance. How dare he actually attempt to seduce that stupid X-Freak Scott Summers and then have the audacity to tell Pietro all about it! 

_Well, two can play this game, Alvers,_ Pietro thought vengefully as he searched his closet for the sexiest outfit he could find. Finally, he came across it: fishnet stockings and kinky lingerie that he once wore to satisfy one of Lance's wacky fantasies. 

"This'll definitely work," he whispered sinisterly, grinning with glee as he very rapidly swapped his usual ensemble with the rather sparse "outfit" (if one could call it that). Pietro then threw on a large trench-coat and ran all the way to the Institute, which took an all of five minutes because he stopped for a burger and fries on the way, gathering many an odd look. 

Pietro approached the front gates of the Institute and stopped as he noticed Scott trudging along on a bicycle wearing matching shorts and biking goggles (which he kept in his glove compartment for situations such as this one). 

"Hey Sum-er, Scott," Pietro purred sexily as he strutted rather seductively over to the bicycle and straddled the handlebar. He ever so casually slipped his trench-coat off, revealing the rather, well, revealing outfit. 

Scott, by this point, was so weary that he decided to give up running away from everyone. "Huh. Fine. Oh well," he said half-heartedly, "but can we please go to my room? I'm not really fond of grass." 

"Okay! Hey-wait! I'm supposed to _seduce_ you!" 

"Well, you just did," Scott said flatly. "Wow, I am so aroused." 

Pietro pouted and said almost sulkily, "Are you being sarcastic?" 

"No, no I am not," came Scott's monotonous response. "In fact, I am so thrilled to be in your company that my heart has momentarily stopped from such extreme pleasure. Wow. Oh baby." 

"Okay!" Pietro giggled and quickly grabbed him by the arm, and suddenly, Scott found himself in his room, on his bed, and quite nude. 

_Oh, no, what have I done?_ He asked himself with a feeling dread. 

Literally, he had _done_ a rather satisfied looking Pietro who was sitting on the side of the bed smoking a cigarette. 

"That was all?" Scott questioned. "I thought it would be much more..." 

"Arousing?" 

"Horrible." 

"I'll take that as a compliment!" Pietro snuffed the cigarette and cuddled next to Scott. "C'mon, they don't call me Quicksilver for nothing. I recover quickly." 

Scott sighed and shut off the light. It was going to be a long, torturous night. 

* * * * *

_A/N: Coming up next: What happens when Magneto comes a' serenading? And what about Logan? And where has Kitty been? All this and MORE, when... SCOTT AND THE ELIXIR OF DOOM continues._


	3. When Songfics Attack

Disclaimer: We no own characters. Marvel own characters. Marvel own all. Oooh. 

_A/N: Warning again! This chapter has many references to music, movies, and Pietro-sex! If you can guess them all, then... neato! Also, we're running low on creative energy (well, hey, look at how long it's taken us to churn this chapter out. Okay, it only took us an hour, tops, but uhh we had been working and... Christmasbusycrap!) so send any ideas you have to: purple_dirt@hotmail.com Okay, we love you, buh-bye! _

* * * * *

Scott awoke with a groan as a most terrible noise made its way into his room. 

"_When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie--!!_" 

"What?" Scott murmured to himself, shoving Pietro off of his bed to make his way over to the source of the noise: the window. Oddly enough, the little speed demon didn't wake up after colliding with the floor. Well, that wasn't surprising, considering the five hours of... Scott shuddered. If it hadn't been for Alex Trebec, Scott didn't know what he would've done. No, no, not in _that_ sense. Scott had been watching "Jeopardy" while Pietro had been speedily... well, Scott wasn't really sure what the guy had been doing. Actually, he hadn't even noticed Pietro-- all he had been thinking about was Jean. Jeeeeeaaaan... 

_Oh, Jean... _

"That's AMORE!!" 

"Who IS that?!" Scott demanded to... no one. He opened the curtains and saw, a few windows down, Magneto floating before a window singing-- quite horrible, in fact. It was just then that the almighty climax occurred! Professor X opened the window and stuck his head out. The moon glinted romantically against his bald head. 

"Why, Erik, I never knew you cared," the Professor practically purred. 

"Uhh..." came the Master of Magnetism's ever articulate response. "Wrong window." He turned to see Scott's head poking curiously out of a window a while down. "Scott, my LOVE!" 

Scott hurriedly slammed the window shut with an "Oh crap"-- so hurriedly, in fact, that he almost smashed his head. He had done that with his locker once, and it had been very painful. In fact... almost as bad as when Jean had dropped him into a swimming pool. 

"Oh, Jean..." he lamented for the hundredth time (the other 98 times are hidden!). Suddenly, there was a slam as Magneto crashed into a window much like a bird crashing into.. a window! 

"Allllll you need is loooove!" Magneto crooned. 

"Please leave me alone." 

"Alllll yooooou neeeeed is looooove!!" 

"Just go away!" 

"Allll you neeeed is loooOOoovveee!!" 

"I won't ask you agaaaaiiiin!" Scott found himself singing. He slapped his forehead. It was just spreading, wasn't it? 

"Come whaaat maaaaay!" Pietro suddenly sang upon becoming conscious. Scott jumped and turned to face the very naked-- 

"Put some clothes on!" 

The white-haired boy ignored him, staring out the window with startled eyes. "Dad?" 

"Uh oh." Magneto quickly looked away. "Pay no attention to the man outside the window!" 

"I saw that movie, Dad!" 

Scott took this moment to attempt to sneak away. 

"I'm so mad at you, Dad, that I could just-- Steal all of Summers' clothes!!" 

"This is awkward; I should leave now," Magneto announced from outside. 

Scott stopped in his tracks. This wasn't sounding very good... When he turned around, his room was... well, empty. Almost completely, in fact. The fiend had even taken his bedsheets! Well, he had never really liked his curtains anyway, so this was the perfect excuse to ask Professor X for money to redecorate. He had had his eye on the periwinkle satin things with the-- oh, nevermind! The only thing left on the ground (well, besides the furniture. Pietro had tried to take a chair or two, but they hurt his arms) was... 

_Oh God..._

Pietro's clothes. 

Scott stared at the ceiling and shook his fist, shrieking a curse to the sky. At that precise moment, Jean opened the door to ask Scott for homework help. When she saw him, she quickly blushed and closed the door, running down the hall as fast as she could. This didn't look like a very good time to bother Scott, since he seemed to be in the middle of his yoga practice. If she wasn't mistaken, that was the "Angry Highwayman" pose. 

Anyway, back to our hero. After he finished swearing at the poor, defenseless ceiling, Scott decided he had to improvise. He had some clothes in the laundry room, but that would require him going downstairs in his birthday suit, and God knows what would happen then. 

Okay, this should be no problem. All he had to do was get downstairs-- with all those people waiting to do horrible, unspeakable things to him... And Logan was home! 

_Umm..._

He had to find an alternative. Did Kitty have any clothes? No, that was preposterous. Even if she _did_ have extra clothing, there was no way he'd be able to fit in those capri pants! Besides, they made his thighs look fat, and his butt-- well, that was an entirely different story! 

Surveying the room one last time, he found nothing he could use to clothe himself. With a sigh, he picked up Pietro's strange ensemble of clothes and put them on. He felt... cheap... and _dirty_, and at the same time... oddly, thrilled! It was... liberating and then... Jean walked back in. She had decided that Trig was _very_ important. Yes, even moreso than yoga and inner-peace. 

"Scott!" she cried, horrified. 

Scott turned around, eyebrows raising over the frames of his sunglasses in an expression that could only described as "shock". "Jeeeaaan?!" 

"What are you doing?!" 

"I'm sitting in the middle of Fourty-Second Street waiting for a bus," he said flatly. 

"_What?_ Well, what are you doing with those clothes?!" She seemed to disregard his little comment. 

"These aren't _my_ clothes!" 

"Well, where are your clothes?" 

"I can't _find_ my clothes!" 

"Well, why are you wearing _these_ clothes?" 

"Because... I just went _GAY_ all of a sudden!" he declared irritably, leaping into the air for emphasis. 

"I can't talk to you when you're like this, Scott!" the object of our hero's affection cried, running from the room before he could _actually_ explained what was going on. 

_Great, now she thinks I'm gay... And I feel like an extra in "Rocky Horror Picture Show". Now all I need is a wheelchair-bound mentor-- wait a second..._

With a sigh, Scott exited the room and began te perilous journey towards.... the laundry room. 

* * * * *

**_Somewhere on the Road..._**

Scott Summers' Corvette had been lying, abandoned, at the scene of the accident (you know, when Scott hit the tree in the last chapter? Yes, we had to re-read it, too)-- well, it doesn't really matter how long it's been there, the point is that there was something myseterious lurking in the trunk. Kitty Pryde. You see, when Scott set out to go for a drive, she decided it was the perfect chance to phase into the trunk then catch him while he was alone on the road! Unfortunately, that trollop Kurt had gotten in her way and beaten her to the prize! How she hated him at the moment. Him and that Lance guy, too! 

But she would get even. Oh yes. In fact, Kitty was in the process of cooking up a scheme when the car collided with an unfortunate tree. Kitty took that moment to take a nap, and only now did she wake up. Quickly phasing out of the car, she found that she was alone, at night, with trees and no people for blocks! Whatever was she going to do? 

* * * * *

_A/N: Will Kitty ever escape the trees? Will Scott find some clothes? And what the hell is Lance doing, I thought he was coming back in this chapter! And just WHERE did Kurt poof to? And who else are we going to throw at Scott?! Find all this out and more... when you email us with suggestions at: purple_dirt@hotmail.com! (you see, sorceress_rinoa@hotmail.com doesn't work because SOMEONE was too lazy to check her account for months so it got shut down! Anyway...) Tune in next time (hopefully a little sooner than last time)! _


	4. Indiana Scott and the Raiders of the Los...

Disclaimer: We no own characters. Marvel own characters. Marvel own all. Oooh. 

_A/N: Warning again! This chapter again has many references to music, movies, and Pietro-sex! If you can guess them all, then... neato! As you can see, it's been about... a year or maybe more since we updated, but we've been very busy people, what with working on other creative projects. Such as a webcomic. Called Eternity Inc. Which you can access from our profile (if this doesn't clue you in to who we really are... then it's just sad. Especially if you know us). Anywho, enjoy! Now. Please? Read. We're sorry for the lateness, really! _

* * * * * 

The **laundry room** was a place of great mystery and excitement. No one had ever gone into the **laundry room** and made it out... ALIVE! Well, that was a lie. A lot of people went into the laundry room; they just used the back entrance. Scott, however, could not use the back entrance, as it required him going right by Logan's room. 

With Logan's super-keen sense of smell, Scott really didn't want to tempt fate by dragging his pheromone-laden body past him. And so... the front entrance it was. 

Grabbing a torch from the wall, he wielded it in front of him, fighting the darkness ahead. 

"I hate the **laundry room**," the bespectacled hero muttered as the torch illuminated his way and the big, scary doors closed behind him. 

"Hey... where did those come from?" he asked himself. Last he remembered, there were no big, scary doors in the laundry room. Oh well, the Professor had been watching a lot of Martha Stewart recently, and maybe big, scary doors were supposed to make laundry rooms look more open and friendly and... that was beside the point, as a strange wind was blowing through the corridor of the **laundry room**. 

Scott looked around, noting the cobwebs strewn about the **laundry room**, swinging in the faint, inexplicable wind. There were many fake severed heads of mutants before him, who unwittingly tried to retrieve their whites from... the dryer. 

Wait, this was oddly familiar. It reminded him of a Harrison Ford movie. But... which one? Probably not "Star Wars", and definitely not "Working Girl" because, after all, there's no cute blonde running around. 

Scott remembered a brief briefing (and laughed at his pun) about the **laundry room**. Apparently, there were three tasks that he must conquer in order to get to the sacred washer/dryer from **Sears**. Firstly, he had to-- ah, crap, what was the first task? If only he could... 

Scott scratched his nose and caused his glasses to fall to the ground somehow. Deciding not to waste time thinking about plot holes, he closed his eyes, bent over, and reached for his glasses just as a shiny blade swept through the air where his head once was. No, no, Scott didn't lose his head. He simply moved his head as he bent down, thereby displacing it and avoiding said razor-sharp blade that was actually never referred to as "razor-sharp". It was actually more like a pizza cutter attached to a rotary wheel. Professor X had a sick sense of humor. 

"Why's there crap like this in the **laundry room**?!" Scott cried confusedly once his glasses were back in place. Well, that was the first task. What was the-- 

_Oh God, now I remember..._

For Scott had then come across the second task of... the **laundry room**, where there were many tiles of varying letters and sizes placed about the floor. 

He remembered what the second task was now. He had to spell out the professor's name in order to get across. But... which name? Was it... Professor? Professor X? Charles? Charlie? Professor Charles Xavier? Charles, the Happy Professor? You get the gist of it. 

And then, a moment of clarity struck Scott. He knew then what he must do. Right in the middle of all of these other letter were the words... "Professor Charles Xavier". 

"That has to be it!" Scott declared to himself as he said aloud. Quite redundant, no? 

Using his nifty X-Men skills, Scott leaped daringly to the center tile and then leapt to the other side. 

"Ha _ha_!" he screamed in a heroic way. If one had seen Scott at the moment, they would've thought him mad, running around screaming while wearing Rocky Horror lingerie. Actually, they would've thought attractive, as he still had the effects of the pheromones on him. Yessss, the Elixir of Doom. You had forgotten about that, hadn't you? Admit it. 

Anyway, in the shadows, a man stood, watching our hero. At least, it is assumed he was a man, as the shadow proved to be humanoid. Of course, it could've been an elaborate coat rack designed specifically to create a shadow humanoid in appearance. This, however, was not a coat rack, and it said... "Bub." 

Scott, meanwhile, came upon the third task.... a big pit with the washer/dryer combo on the other side. 

"Ohh no," he groaned. "What am I supposed to do now? Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi! You're my only hope..." 

Scott had had a long, hard day today. There was the car accident and the Pietro... and the-- the singing and the-- 

"AAAGH! Screw it, I don't need clothes!" he screamed, the pressure finally making him snap. "Besides, what would happen if I threw myself into this pit, anyway? Would the world really miss Scott Summers?" 

"I would," came a voice from the shadows. Scott assumed it was the coat rack. "But... if you want to... we could jump in... TOGETHER!" 

"...Logan?!" Scott exclaimed. This was a shocker, indeed. A big, scary, stupid shocker, because after all, wasn't this the reason he took this way in the first place? To avoid Logan? "Fine. Make love to me," Scott said in a flat, robotic voice, giving up all hope of escape. Damn Madame Moonbeamshinystardust and her elixir. 

"What?!" Logan cried, taken aback. "Why on earth would I want to do that to you, my love?! You are far too pure for such things!" 

"Pure? Shoulda talked to me an hour ago," Scott muttered. He then wondered if what he did with Pietro actually constituted as "love making". Well, actually, he hadn't done anything at all. Pietro did all of the work as Scott watched Jeopardy and counted ceiling tiles. "Three-hundred and sixty-eight," he said aloud. 

"What?" 

"Ceiling tiles." 

"Oh, you are so deep, my love. As deep as this pit as I am going to save you from." Logan rushed out of the shadows to rescue Scott from the pit that was not threatening at all. 

"I don't need rescuing; I need clothes!" Scott shouted as he tried to evade the tiny hairy man. 

"C'mon, bub, we should be lovers! In a nonsexual way!!" 

"What?!" 

"Yeah, y'know, bub, poetry, flowers... long walks on the beach... Pina coladas, getting caught in the rain, and the feel of the ocean and the taste of champagne." 

Scott felt like he was going to be sick. "I'm not old enough to drink," he replied kind of sarcastically. This day really sucked, anyway, so Scott, losing all hope, decided to jump into the pit. 

_Can't be much worse than this_, he thought grimly as he took a dramatic swan dive into the abyss. 

"NOOOOO!!!!" Logan cried melodramatically, in a manner much akin to an 18 year old girl, or even a saddened movie hero, and he fell to his knees and sobbed. He beat his heart, tore his hair, and cried, "Oh! Sweet Summers gone, and all the world is in winter without the shine of your ocular blasts, brightening the day." He really was a poet. 

With that, he threw himself upon the ground further, and wept silently. 

* * * * * 

"Are you still working on that plan?" Pietro asked the overly diligent Lance Alvers, who was sitting in a swivel chair, with his back turned to his probably now ex-boyfriend. The room was lit with many a candle, bringing it a dreary, dramatic lighting that enhanced the spookiness of his Ikea furniture. 

Lance mumbled in reply. "Yesss, the plan... precioussssss plan... Little mutantses don't know of the plannnnn, the preciousssss." 

"Knock that off!" snapped Pietro. "Besides," he added smugly, crossing his arms over his chest triumphantly, "I already screwed him twice. Or maybe eight times. Maybe seven-and-a-half. Oh well, that's irrelevant, 'cause I already got him and that's all that matters. And you're dumb." 

Lanced hissed. "I feel pretty.... oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and... GAY!!" 

"This crazy lighting is making you insane," Pietro said as he flicked the light switch on. 

"NOOO!" came Lance's anguished cry as he dove under the desk to hide from the burning light. But it was too late. Pietro had already noticed the red locks of hair and the crazy looking makeup, not to mention the horribly bland khakis and equally bland shirt. 

"...Jean?" 

"Yessssss, Jeeeaan," he hissed, crawling for the door. "This will win Scott over!" 

Pietro took no notice of Lance's sudden change from talking like a total freak to sounding halfway normal because it's a plot hole... or is it? Maybe it's just a characterization hole. Or maybe it's a deep pit where washers and dryers go! Regardless, Lance tried to make his escape in his new wig and ensemble. 

"Oh, no you don't!" the speed demon said, but Lance had an ace up his sleeve. Actually, it was a little blinky flashy ball that dogs have a tendency to play with. He threw it into the air and it bounced against the floor, giving off a spasm of lights to distract the other boy. 

"Oooh! Pretty!" Pietro declared, watching the ball is if he were in a trance. 

Lance escaped into the night. 

* * * * *

_A/N: Has Lance truly gone insane? How will Logan live now that his love has plummeted from a precipice? What's with the movie references? Did anybody even catch all of the movie references? Is Scott really dead? If so, how're we writing another chapter? Are we writing another chapter? Yes, yes we are. Our email address had yet again changed because "sorceress_rinoa@hotmail.com" is dead and "purple_dirt@hotmail.com" is also dead. Sadly, we'll have to kill our secret identity even further by resorting to one of our other email addresses, which is "gareth_angel@hotmail.com". Email if it floats your boat! Or even if it doesn't. _


End file.
